By Jamie Cavanagh
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Dear Santa,
Dear Santa; it's me, Amy.
You might remember me from that Christmas of 1993 when you got me an
unmarked envelope with $50 in it. Thanks a lot! Best Christmas
ever!
I thought I'd write a letter, in the off-chance I might be on the
'Nice List' this year. I know my mom said I never would be, since I
didn't help Jeremy Martin when he peed his pants while jumping on a
trampoline in the spring of '93. I guess I still wonder, dude was
PEEING EVERYWHERE, how was I supposed to help!? Well, you have your
reasons for not visiting me, I'm sure.
Anyway, here's hoping you can forgive me for that transgression, and
grant me a small gift.
All I want this year is a restrictive ban on the following items in the bedroom:
-Posters of strippers named 'Shawna', 'Candy', or 'Miss Tery' (all
others may, begrudgingly, remain)
-black or strobe lights. No one likes seeing my thighs on strobe.
-Cats in general. That shit's gross.
-Anything Harry Potter-related, other than the books (ie. Daniel
Radcliffe clippings, brooms, striped scarves of any kind – this is a
big problem for me).
-DJ Tiesto CDs played at top volume (from either a discman hooked up
to a speaker, or hummed in my ear with alarming accuracy)
-Diaries. They are left conveniently open to entries about your
truly, in a passive agressive move to show both senstivity and to turn
the screw deeper.
I know people generally ask you to give them presents, Santa, and not
to restrict you from giving, but, if you could find it in your heart
to fulfill my request, please do not give anything on the above list
to: BRANDON ROMANOWSKI (apartment #306, 10615-84 Avenue, Edmonton,
T6E 2G6, DOB 10/15/1982, SIN 653 763 552, he looks like a chubby,
more-pockmarked Luke Perry).
Thanks, Santa!
Your biggest fan,
Amy Shostak
Ps. I put that $50 in a savings account, and over the year's it's
grown to $76.85! I'm saving up to put my kids through college!
You might remember me from that Christmas of 1993 when you got me an
unmarked envelope with $50 in it. Thanks a lot! Best Christmas
ever!
I thought I'd write a letter, in the off-chance I might be on the
'Nice List' this year. I know my mom said I never would be, since I
didn't help Jeremy Martin when he peed his pants while jumping on a
trampoline in the spring of '93. I guess I still wonder, dude was
PEEING EVERYWHERE, how was I supposed to help!? Well, you have your
reasons for not visiting me, I'm sure.
Anyway, here's hoping you can forgive me for that transgression, and
grant me a small gift.
All I want this year is a restrictive ban on the following items in the bedroom:
-Posters of strippers named 'Shawna', 'Candy', or 'Miss Tery' (all
others may, begrudgingly, remain)
-black or strobe lights. No one likes seeing my thighs on strobe.
-Cats in general. That shit's gross.
-Anything Harry Potter-related, other than the books (ie. Daniel
Radcliffe clippings, brooms, striped scarves of any kind – this is a
big problem for me).
-DJ Tiesto CDs played at top volume (from either a discman hooked up
to a speaker, or hummed in my ear with alarming accuracy)
-Diaries. They are left conveniently open to entries about your
truly, in a passive agressive move to show both senstivity and to turn
the screw deeper.
I know people generally ask you to give them presents, Santa, and not
to restrict you from giving, but, if you could find it in your heart
to fulfill my request, please do not give anything on the above list
to: BRANDON ROMANOWSKI (apartment #306, 10615-84 Avenue, Edmonton,
T6E 2G6, DOB 10/15/1982, SIN 653 763 552, he looks like a chubby,
more-pockmarked Luke Perry).
Thanks, Santa!
Your biggest fan,
Amy Shostak
Ps. I put that $50 in a savings account, and over the year's it's
grown to $76.85! I'm saving up to put my kids through college!
By Amy Shostak
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
RFT PODCAST #1
http://rapidfiretheatre.tumblr.com/post/2385833413/podcast1
Click above to listen to the inaugural edition of Rapid Fire Theatre's offical PODCAST!!!
Click above to listen to the inaugural edition of Rapid Fire Theatre's offical PODCAST!!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A Joke
What do two very cute downhill winter sports athletes do when exchanging equipment?
"TRADESKIES!!!!!!!"
By Vincent Forcier
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Doctors!
Rapid Fire presents things you don't want to hear a doctor say seconds before you go under for surgery.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring Amy Shostak, Taylor Rubin, Mike Robertson, Joleen Ballendine, Gordie Lucius, Joe Vanderhelm, Todd Houseman, Tim Mikula, Julia Guy, AJ Vaage and Colin Matty.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tiny Ghost
A man is haunted by a tiny ghost.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring Richard Lam.
Puppets by Brendan Boyd.
Hand Guns
A man has many whimsical adventures with his hand guns.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring Colin Matty, Amy Shostak, Stuart Hoye and Nikolai Witschl.
Special thanks to Fort Edmonton Park.
I Don't Like My Smile
A girl is shy about her smile.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring Jessie McPhee and Hannah Spear.
Working Hard
Two construction workers try to show their support for a coworkers sexual orientation.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring Jamie Cavanagh, Kory Mathewson, Julian Faid and Mark Meer.
Featuring Kelta Coomber, Amy Shostak, Arlen Konopaki and Hannah Spear.
The REAL Friends Theme Song
The way the Friends theme song was meant to be heard.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring: Tim Mikula.
Great Ideas
A man has some great ideas that just might save his company.
Directed by Mike Robertson & Arlen Konopaki.
Starring: Arlen Konopaki, Lisa Amerongen and Mark Meer.
Featuring: Nikolai Witschl, Amy Shostak, Mat Simpson, Kory Mathewson and Noel Glover.
Viewer Discretion
Directed by Mike Robertson and Arlen Konopaki.
A classic viewer discretion ad, from the archives.
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